Hey, good news I tried on my jeans this morning and they still button, to be honest, I’m a little surprised, but I’m so excited I might wear them until noon, naaaawww.I don’t intend to actually wear them, just participating in a reality check.Draw string pants are my uniform, they are the only pants that are livable in a 24/7 stay at home world.I have no doubt a man with mother issues decided women of a certain age would love wearing pants with a snug elastic waistband that squeezes the life out them.If I bought pants with elastic that actually had breathing room the pants would look like pantaloons.
Every morning Monty puts on his uniform of the day, you know the rumpled jeans and the faded plaid flannel shirt.I announce, “Oh, you’re wearing thattoday?’he just ignores me.Then he asks the usual question, ‘What’s on the agenda today?’ “Hmmm, let’s see, same as yesterday.I’m going to shower, eat breakfast, check social media, take a walk on the treadmill, check social media, eat lunch, check social media,read, nap, check social media, happy hour, eat dinner, check social media, watchTV and go to bed.”Monty has a big day planned, yeah, it’s garbage day. I wonder is he really going to take the garbage up to the road in those clothes?
Preparing for the day takes a lot less time in this new life. In my previous life, there was a curling iron, moisturizer, a touch of color, and lipstick. Now, I run the comb quickly through my hair, bush my teeth and call it good.In this social distancing environment a tube of lipstick might last longer thansnow tires in Tucson.I certainly don’t need sweet desert mauve lips to sit in front of the computer or read a book. Out of habit, I grabbed the lipstick before running to the store today and caught myself before actually applying it.Why wear lipstick and then a mask? My current mask is white, maybe I could just apply the lipstick to the outside of the mask, you know make a happy smile.
I made a quick trip to the grocery today for milk and produce.The salad fixins’ are handy at the front right corner just inside the door but the milk is at the far left back corner of the store.(how else can they get you to actually walk through the whole store?)I can understand the thinking in the world as we knew it but not as we know it now.I really don’t want to walk through the whole store.
Everyone is wearing a mask, and masks are weird.I haven’t figured out if they are supposed to match your outfit or are they an accessory like jewelry.I find it discomforting that you can’t see people’s faces.How do you know what anyone is thinking if you can’t see their face?There are no smiles, six feet isn’t close enough to see the light in their eye,so we all just go through the store like the zombies from the Walking Dead.
Along with not knowing what mask I should wear with my yoga pants and sweatshirt, there is the new protocol for grocery shopping.Who entered the aisle first? Does the person one third of the way down the cookie aisle have the right of way.? Am I supposed to back up? Are we all supposed to make one long conga line and follow like ducklings?The egg section is small, if we all need eggs do we form a line? If there is someone browsing the meat counter can I look too?How ‘bout the new, ‘if you touched it you bought it’. Don’t befondling the avocados. I’d say don’t squeeze the Charmin’ but lots of luck with that, I still haven’t seen any on the shelves.
I did find a box of tissues this morning, they aren’t Kleenex but I’m not too choosey anymore.The sign indicated one to a customer.(hopefully they didn’t mean one tissue). If the stores would have set some limits to begin with we wouldn’t be trying to buy toilet paper from the trunk of a car parked on the corner.
My sister-in-law was a little girl during the 40’s in England.She remembers her mother cutting the newspaper into little squares to be used as toilet paper.Makes me question our wisdom of switching to the digital version of the newspaper.
Answer honestly now,are you counting how many squares of toilet paper you use? You know, tear off four squares and think it over and put one back?Come on I can’t be the only one doing that.
Oh, and I’m tired of singing Happy Birthday, if it was a true celebration I’d be older than Methuselah.