I assume, like most couples, Monty and I have our separate duties around the house. He is the fearless leader of all things mechanical, I do the other stuff.
Conversation yesterday at our house:
Monty: My underwear drawer is sort of empty, there are no socks or shorts. I looked in the hamper and it’s empty. Do you know where my underwear went?
Oh, sorry, I forgot to empty the dryer, it’s all your stuff so just go ahead and grab them and you are all set.
OK, where is it.
Where’s what?
The dryer!
OMG we have to make some adjustment here.
I recently read about a man whose wife died and he suddenly realized he didn’t have a clue how the house ran or what to do. He’d never cooked or paid any attention to how it was done. Now that he’s been faced with problems, that were never problems before, he’s come to the realization that just like at the office, husband and wife may be a team but they need to do a bit of cross-training.
We have a division of duties at our house and it is a fine line that neither of us care to cross. It’s not a multipage roommate agreement like Sheldon and Leonard, we just naturally fell into our various chores and have stuck with them.
In the kitchen I prepare the meal while Monty sets the table, and makes sure my wine glass is full. I put the hot plates on our place setting and we sit down to dine. OK eat, I think it is only dining if there are candles on the table.
After dinner, he hustles the plates to the sink and returns with the piece of chocolate for our after dinner treat. He usually gets a splash more red wine to go with the chocolate. Then he rinses the dishes and I put away leftovers and load the dishwasher. At night I turn on the hall light and adjust the thermostat before bed and Monty locks the doors and turns off the lights on his way down the hall.
In general, Monty takes care of the outside, I enjoy a bit of nip and tuck on the plants but he is in charge of repairing water leaks in the irrigation system. He digs the holes and I plant the flowers. I see that the outside trash can has received everything that isn’t leftovers and recyclables are in the proper container. He hauls both bins to the street each week.
A few years ago I laughed and told my daughter if anything happened to Monty I’d have to move before trash day. I’d never get the trash bin up our hill to the street. My grand daughter, Katie, was upset by this and a few minutes later told me I could put the trash in the trunk of the car and drive it up there. Out of the mouth of babes!
Monty takes care of batteries, tires, oil changes and funny noises that go clunk in the night. He has an obsession about tire pressures and since he has his very own compressor in the garage our tires are the envy of the block. I never give any thought to any of those things, Monty is all over it.
I gas my car when needed if I’m out and about but we usually take the cars to the drive though car wash together. Monty drives, mainly because I’m never sure I have the automatic wipers off and I worry about getting the wheels into the narrow track thing the guy keeps frantically waving about. I’ve never seen the fenders on my car and I know the wheels are somewhere underneath the car but I’m not sure just where.
I do the grocery shopping, although this week we went together. Monty walked into the grocery and announced ‘Ah, so this is where food comes from.’ I empty the laundry hamper and redistribute the magically clean clothes to the proper place. (thus the first paragraph problem)
Monty is in charge of opening pickle jars, squashing spiders and all things mechanical or requiring WIFI, this in itself is a full time job in today’s world. Of course he is in charge of the remote control, because it is called a remote control and guys just love that sort of thing. Actually it is three controllers and he loves complaining about them. So that has always been his job.
We are both tuned into the bill paying, we know what bills need paying and what is on auto-pay and out of which account. The files are tidy although I file newest stuff in the front of the file and Monty files oldest first, newest last. Weird concept because you have to turn the whole file over to get to the new stuff, but I’ve figured it out.
He is methodical and focused so the task of cooking becomes a bit overwhelming because he operates with precise measurements and anticipates everything working out just so. Those of us who have been cooking for fifty years know how to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Besides measuring all that stuff is highly over rated. It might have been more important to learn to cook years ago but in today’s world restaurants deliver and gourmet meals are at your finger tips at the grocery store. Good grief, my number one job has become irrelevant.
Whereas Monty can make a mean mess of green beans, I can’t change a tire, not sure what the tire pressure should be and have no idea what to do when the check engine light comes on. Well I do, I just tell Monty.
I don’t think I’ll bother learning the tire change thing but I should probably figure out how to work the remote.
Thanks Carrie – another great read. Some of what you say, I can really relate. It is kind of interesting how we fall into certain roles. However, sometimes I’ve been informed that I overstep my boundaries when I question what he is doing and why he is doing something that way. I try to explain I’m just trying to see the whole picture. But to be totally honest, he’s always got it under control and the outcome is usually just perfect. Maybe I do this just to keep him on his toes. Sometimes, though I like to believe I made a great contribution to a project he’s working on.
Hmmm, it must be the September birthday thing, It’s been suggested that sometimes I try to take over chores that aren’t mine to do. I think you are absolutely right we just want to be part of everything that goes on. Thanks for reading me!
Carrie, I love this essay! It was true of Bert and me while I was still working. He took care of things around the house and yard, and even have dinner ready when I got home. What a jewel!
For a long time he would make a loaf pan of jello (my preferred dessert), even though his favorite was ice cream. I did the laundry and cooked on weekends. He also, like Monty, had custody of the TV remote and now if I push the wrong button and lose sound or whatever, I just call my son to fix it….that stuff is a mystery to me! Anyway, thank you for a good read and keep those inspirations coming!
It is interesting how our lives seem fall in place. Bert was one of the good guys and he picked the perfect life partner. You two were so good together.