School for Miss Daisy

I guess the fun and games are over, I started puppy school last week.  I thought I ran the world and now I find out there are expectations even for puppies.  I was getting my people trained just the way I wanted them, now this new wrinkle in my plan. 

The first thing I’m learning is I’m not the alpha dog in this pack.  I don’t know how that can be, I definitely have the sharpest teeth.  I can jump higher than either of these humans and I can stand on two legs when I need to see what mom and dad are having for dinner.

My dad has a no nonsense voice and I know when he means business, I’m reluctant to admit it, but he is the alpha dog around here.  Mom and I are battling out the alpha female position.  As long as I let mom brush and cuddle me she is a pushover, I think I’m winning this battle.   

I happily chew on mom’s shoelaces and when I hang on her pant leg she walks real funny.  Sometimes she gets exasperated and sprays me with a water bottle, I don’t let that bother me, I just lick my lips. 

For the most part mom and dad are almost as much fun as my siblings and the toys are all mine.  I have lots of Cesar Millan approved toys but some of the best toys are  milk cartons and the assorted plastic containers.  Dad says our yard looks like the plastic recycling facility.  

School was kind of scary the first time, there were three other dogs about my age and we were all a little leery of this  new adventure.  We mostly sat kind of quiet waiting to see what would happen.  I hate to brag, but when the action started, I was the star puppy.  Mom and dad had already been telling me about ‘Sit’, ’ Down’ and ‘Come’.  They told me something about ‘Stay’ but when they put that hand up there I just have to bark at them.  They scolded me but I saw them laughing. The best part of school is the treats. Lots and lots of treats.

The second time we went to school it was a little different.  Those other dogs were jumping all over the place, and when I barked at them they just kept jumping so I showed them I could jump too.  We all just jumped and barked and had a grand time until the teacher got serious.  We learned doggie push ups, Sit, Down, Sit, Down, Sit, Down.  I finally just looked at mom and said, “For Pete’s sake make up your mind”.  

When the teacher announced we would work on ‘Leave It’, I had no idea what was coming.  This was a stupid trick, I didn’t like it at all.  First she put a nice treat on the floor and when I started to pick it up she said, ‘Leave It’, and covered it up with her hand.  What’s with that? When I finally gave up trying to move her hand and grab the treat she gave me another treat from her other hand.  What’s this all about anyway. If you’re going to let me have a treat what’s wrong with the first one. I just don’t get it, humans are weird.  

Then we worked on ‘Can I Pet Your Dog?’ or ‘Four On the Floor.’  Apparently the idea is to remain seated or, four paws on the floor, when someone comes to meet me.  Well, how do I know I will like the person unless I get closer to their face?  If I jump really high I can get to their chin and then I know all about them.  

This whole school experience is highly overrated, I ate lots and lots of treats and then drank lots of water and on the way home I barfed all over the back seat.

Except for the  jumping and barking at the other dogs, school isn’t much fun.