Orchard Caper

Monty is shopping online, he is looking for a pair of farmer overalls.   Why, you ask, would he need farmer overalls like Mr. Green Jeans? I broached this question and discovered he is getting serious now that he is tending his orchard.  Apparently you can’t tend fruit trees in regular old Levis.

To call his citrus trees an orchard is a bit of a stretch but I don’t argue, the man is serious about his trees.  I don’t know which tree is his favorite but he is lovingly caring for an orange tree, a lemon plant that looks sort of like a tree, and a large grapefruit tree.  

When some of the desert shrubs started looking a bit shaggy last year we called a landscape guy.  George arrived and turned loose a sixteen year old kid with a chainsaw, then George went to Starbucks. The citrus trees took a serious hit when Edward Scissor-hands was through.  We didn’t get a single orange this year, the grapefruit tree only provided breakfast treats for a few days and that was the end of the fruit season.  Monty is still annoyed (that is the most polite word I can think of for his feelings) for George, the landscaper, and Edward Scissor-hands, his apprentice. 

Monty lovingly talked to the trees and apologized for the abuse they suffered.  He took matters into his own hands and read up on the care and grooming of citrus trees.  Off we went to Moon Valley nursery and met with  Phil, the citrus guru.  It took all three of us to carry the long and short term nourishing products for Monty’s beloved trees.  We have Moon juice, Moon spray, Moon fertilizer plus a Moon systemic because Monty saw a tiny aphid on one of the lemon leaves.  The juice, spray and fertilizer each have a yearly schedule that requires a spreadsheet and a special calendar.  One is every month with an r and another is every other month   The fertilizer is every holiday.  So don’t bother asking what we are doing on Valentine’s Day, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, or Labor Day, Monty will be wearing his new overalls while we celebrate the moon juice festival. Monty has Phil on speed dial just in case he needs support.

 I tried not to gasp when Phil mentioned the cost of each product as he rang it up.     I quietly suggested we could have purchased a lot of fruit from Safeway for a lot less money.  I mean they sell grapefruit and oranges by the bag and how many lemons can we possibly use?  We don’t even own  a juicer gismo.  Monty had his fingers in his ears doing the la, la, la thing not hearing any of it.  He has designated himself the steward of his orchard and apparently no expense will be spared to keep these trees happy. 

When we left the nursery the next stop was Lowe’s to purchase a new hose. I’m not sure why the trees needed a new hose but apparently it was important.  We reviewed all the  choices and after 30 or 40 minuted settled on the perfect hose.   I didn’t want the hose laying on the patio and Monty didn’t want to attach something to the wall.  As a compromise  I choose a nice basket weave box that matches the patio set. Monty was quick to mention we really didn’t need to spend so much money on a  simple hose reel.  REALLY, we just spent a month’s groceries on the moon juice stuff, I think we can get a hose reel that at least looks nice.  

So we have a nice looking hose reel box that sits on the patio.  Now the only problem is that when you pull the hose out the box jumps around all over the patio and the hose gets stuck in the lovely decorator box.  Not to be deterred, Monty quickly found a solution, if I sit on the hose reel box while he unwinds the hose it works just fine.  Good grief this is getting ridiculous.  Thank goodness I don’t have to have a pair of farmer pants  to do my part.

Monty goes out to visit the trees every day and reports back on how many new blossoms there are on each tree.  The orange tree is blossoming nicely and the smell is wonderful.  The lemon and grapefruit trees seem to be thriving, so all is well in the Bonello orchard.  Monty is online again, shopping for the perfect juicer.