Technology – Friend or Foe

Remember Maxwell Smart and his shoe phone?  We’ve come a long way since then. Has it been a vast improvement?  I’m not sure, every time Max picked up his phone he was connected to the party he was calling.  Can we say the same today?  You know when the stars are aligned,  Jupiter is ascending and Venus and Pluto aren’t in opposition you can call the kids.   The call goes through unless you enter a dead zone where nothing happens.  Dead zones are found at some intersections or on certain spots on the freeway and unfortunately in some homes.  My son has to stand on his patio with one foot on the railing to call and ask if we want to go to lunch. 

There is bluetooth technology that is a God send for the older folks who don’t hear as well as they used to.  Cell phones can be programmed to be used with your hearing aids.  I can hear clearly even if I  sit the phone on the counter and start dinner. If the phone rings in the kitchen I can hear it through my hearing aids while I’m in the laundry room.  I can run to the phone and swipe right and talk to the caller,  if the caller would like to talk to  Monty after we have chatted we have a problem. My phone only talks to me and his phone only talks to him. We have to quickly disable all the hearing aids and put the phone on speaker.  

I’m reluctant to bring up Siri, she and I don’t have a good relationship.  I’m not sure why she doesn’t like me but some friendships just aren’t meant to be.  Now Siri and Monty, on the other hand, have a close, almost intimate relationship that I’m a bit skeptical about.  For example, a few years ago we were in another town and Monty was looking for a barber shop. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and asked Siri where the closest barber shop was located.  Siri confidently said there was one nearby and then proceeded to sigh and tell him in her sultry voice that she liked his hair just the way it was! The smile on Monty’s face told the whole story. I suggested he might want to keep his phone somewhere besides his pocket.     

Remember when we walked over and turned on the 15 inch black and whiteTV and anxiously waited for the test pattern to disappear so we could watch Timmy and  Lassie? The rabbit ears had to be adjusted just right to get a clear picture, and sometimes we added tin foil to the contraption to make sure we got American Bandstand. On the weekends we could stay up late and wait for the test pattern to return as we sang the Star Spangled Banner and said good night 

Now we have a beautiful crystal clear picture on our 65 inch TV.  Notice I didn’t need to say color TV. do they even make black and white tv’s anymore.The TV could show us a beautiful picture 24 hours a day if we let it. The problem is I can’t figure out which of the three remote controls actually turns the damn thing on.  

We have a printer next to the computer that is a nice addition to the office but don’t be fooled, while we got along with Gertrude for a year or so she has turned on us and is showing her independence by only printing when she feel like it. If we can determine which buttons she wants pushed today she might answer the call of the computer to print.   It wouldn’t be complicated if it was always the same buttons, but noooo, today it is the third from the left and yesterday it was the second on the right.  She refuses to copy anything.   

One final technology issue, our current car. It is a great car, it has all the bells and whistles, so many that we haven’t figured out what most of them do.  I love the heated and cooled seat option, I’ve never actually used it but it is fun nonetheless.  The manufacturer brags about the driver and passenger individual heating and A/C system .  There are shiny dials for each of us to turn for our own comfort. I fail to see how this is even possible since we are sitting almost shoulder to shoulder.  The cup holders are nice though.    

The annoyances we put up with today makes the frustrations of the past seem silly. I had an old Plymouth sedan that wouldn’t turn left.  You think I’m kidding?  Really when you moved from a stop at the traffic light to turn left that car died just about halfway though the turn and you had to coast to the curb.  It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.  I took it to several mechanics and there was a carburetor problem that no one could fix.  The last mechanic suggested I plan my routes better and eliminate left turns.  I managed to make right turns all the way to the dealership where I traded that lemon in.  

Oh, and then there was the Opal that wouldn’t run in the rain.  Seriously, if it was raining you might just as well decide to stay home because it wouldn’t start. Unfortunately  we  took it to California for vacation and discovered it wouldn’t start in heavy dew either,  California rendered it immovable. That was another car that didn’t last long in the driveway.  

Technology has come a long way but not without its own frustrations and pitfalls.  I’m just happy my current car makes both left and right turns and even runs in the rain.